Tag Archives: Fat boi diaries

The Fat Boi Diaries: An Epiphany

“That feeling that snuck up and crawled into my chest, that one I called ‘love’ was really just habit. A collection of misremembered memories, unserviced wants, passion turned into hate turned into desire, recycled laughs, tears, and¬†arguments, and unthinking gestures and phrases that come with the telling ease of rehearsal. It is cowardice not admitting that what I feel for you now is something more akin to pity which will one day fade to indifference.”
 
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FBD: ON Looking: 8 May

“Some times, when I feel weak, when I feel low, when I buy into all the bullshit the world tells me about myself (that I am ugly, worthless, dumb, an aberration, doomed to failure), when those few I have called upon let me down or don’t show or, try as they might, can’t lift me up, in those times I cry to let out the pain and then I don’t me eyes. I look up. I am a black phoenix; I am part of the fulfillment of the dreams of slaves; I am the black queer boy who lives; I am the fat boy who demands love and respect. I am that I am that I am and I will always be. A dream forever fulfilling, forever reaching, never ever deferred, but definitely waiting to one day explode. Je suis, Maurice.

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